


Flowers are Ugly

by Japo_Chan23



Series: The flowers in my lungs think you're cute [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Hanahaki Disease, One-Sided Attraction, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, not with Evan tho that's cliche lol, oh hell here we go again, puking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 13:42:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14333661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Japo_Chan23/pseuds/Japo_Chan23
Summary: In actuality, crushing on that random kid in his class was really a bad idea, considering the fact that he was straight, and there was no chance in hell that he would want to get with the hot mess know as Jared Kleinman.A man can dream, only for a few hours though.





	Flowers are Ugly

**Author's Note:**

> Another thing that was posted on the deh amino. Fucking rip man

It hurt.

That was the only thing that Jared thought about nowadays. His stomach didn't churn, didn’t ache the moments before he puked. 

He always hated puking. It gave him moments where all he thought of was middle school- bulimic, out of shape, overweight, ugly, and overall the embodiment of the word  _ loser _ . Those days, in his opinion, were the worse. The self loathing was still strong, he was as self conscious as ever, but he built up confidence. That was the only thing he could do, it felt like. Make himself be confident despite the obvious hate. 

Jared stopped eating when it first happened. He didn't like seeing the blue petals mixed with his lunch. It was ugly, and it stained the beauty of what belonged on a flower, and not in his lungs. 

It only grew worse in the end, really. The crush, though small at first, that he could've easily gotten rid of if he tried hard enough, had gotten to the point where he didn't know what to do. He tended not to get close to people (sure there was the girl from summer camp, and the guy on the swim team, but they were only a fling), as a way to guard himself, but he seemed to be lacking in that area as of late, if the mix of vomit and petals that get flushed down the toilet say anything. 

Things progressively got worse as time went on. People were concerned, because they knew he was puking, but just assumed he was sick. “I wish,” he snorted, shoulders rising slightly while the grin plastered on his face didn't dwindle down like the amount of time he had to live. “Hey thot, look at the thing I tagged you in.”

There were times where he refused to puke, moments where he locked himself in the bathroom stall and kept his lips sealed while hunched over the toilet, body lurching while he gagged. Inevitably, pink lips would part as a sickly yellow substance would slip out (he was so accustomed to it, he just spit it out) along with the petals. “Fuck petals, man,” he mumbled, retching over the bowl as more petals, and a bit of saliva and bile was added to the toilet water. 

“You need to talk to him,” Evan said, one day, concerned for his friend. Of course Jared told him- he was obligated to go to his house, so he would find out eventually. “Or her, them, whatever. Just, get th-th-the surgery, please,” he whispered, rubbing small circle on the small of Jared’s back. “And please eat. I hate see-seeing you like this. You need food, Jared.” 

Puking at Evan’s was the worse. And yet. “Thanks for the concern, tree boy,” Jared mumbled, leaning back into Evan’s touch before throwing himself over the toilet bowl to puke nothing but petals. The addition of blood this time didn't go unnoticed by either boy. There was already bile, water, saliva, and petals in it. Jared didn't look at Evan as he silently flushed the toilet. “Look, I don’t want to talk about it. I haven't even talked to the kid much. We only sit next to each other in one of my classes, but then we bonded over music of whatever dumb YA novel cliché that fits. It's dumb, I don't want to talk about it,” Jared huffed, massaging his midsection. It hurt like a bitch, as did his chest. 

“Please just get the surgery, Jared. I don't want you to die. It's getting close to that, please please please,” Evan whispered, sitting behind his friend. He rested his forehead against Jared’s shoulder. “Whoever this person is, they don't deserve you. You don't deserve to have to vomit bile all the time, please Jared.” 

“Okay acorn,” Jared said, nodding slightly. He felt Evan poke and make lines across his back while breathing quietly. “I’ll get the surgery. I’ll be fine, I’ll be alive, don't worry.” It was at times like this where he was grateful for Evan. Contrary to popular belief, the two weren't interested in each other. Evan had his lover (some nonbinary guy named Alex), and Jared admired their relationship. He knew that they had an open relationship, and that they actually offered him to join them in some poly relationship, but he respectfully declined (him being monogamous). Jared liked Alex though, they were cool. 

The band kid in his class on the other hand though, was cute. And he hated that kid for helping him on multiple occasions and making him fall in love hard. Jared scoffed internally. It was love, of anything it was a very strong infatuation, a limerence of sorts. 

So, surgery it was. “You're driving me to the hospital though, and we’re going to each try and make money online. College is already expensive enough, and with the surgery we’re gonna have to work double time to cover it. Surgeries went cheap because America ain't shit.” 

Which they did. Work double time, work overtime, did anything they could do they can get money, which they did. 

Jared was growing more and more wary as the day the surgery was. They had a date, of course they did, but he was, to say the least, scared. He liked band kid. Band kid was cool, and they had a common interest. It was just band kid didn't like him that way. Groaning, Jared jumped onto his bed. This was dumb. He shouldn't be so hung up over some random person in his class. 

The day the surgery came, Jared was a mess and Evan had to do everything to convince Jared not to back out. Which almost happened, on multiple occasions. 

But thank god, Jared was so glad to see Evan and Alex walk into the room when they were allowed in after the surgery. Even if he couldn't really feel anything, he tried to express the best he could that he knew he was happy that the closest people in his life were there for him without the actual dopamine and such that causes him to feel it. 

Fucking bad kid though. Jared knew he had issues, but to developed a crush on someone and hate them because he was crushing on them? Kind of sad, but whatever.

**Author's Note:**

> Lowkey hate this one but that's okay :)))))


End file.
